= 3 = )/ Geez, I can be such a bother at times, but hey--Im workin' with something out of my element, so I think I can do something about it. It's now gotten trickier to come up with ocs, and I'm starting projects I know I can't get accomplished..., I do want help but yet...I feel that's too much e o e
I'd feel that would be pretty pathetic on my part, so Im gonna actually attempt to do something about it...thought I feel like an idior for not do anything...okay who am I kidding, I know I can't do it, I've gotten no where for the past 3 years and I am always not good enough in anyone's case, I mean my effort is as well as they hope it to be, and can't understand I can only go so far, ya know?
= __ = I feel pathetic now, so I feel as I'm going to give up this shit called "Sanyu's Art" ...why am I not good enough?
I mean here I felt like I have less issue to deal with but in this case they're the same.
someone is helping me get to Graphic Design Classes, and it's in Lancaster, Pa and it's awesome as hell (metaphorically speaking), and I wanna go there, and hope I can get a career as a graphic designer or work with animation...though I do now you have to have patience, I kinda need to work on that
Still feel pathetic..., I need help with ideas is all, I really wanna improve my shiz and I ask help but people don't really help they just say "I'll help" then blow it off 5 seconds later, as if it were the other way around I will do it but it's not good enough...
I've been like this ever since I started lying to myself . __ .) hmm...do I really need my brain, it's corrupt already...I mean, I haven't been at peace with myself because so much stress builds up, and too much excitement, too much school, too much nothing when there is no school, too much snow and ice, too hot and dry in my room to seek comfort, I'm too touchy, I'm too sensitive, too many stupid people who have yet to be scolded, too many violent thoughts, too many gore thoughts, too many idiots running this country, too many diseases, too many worry, too many death, too many me, too many ranting, too many cows on the moon, too many things with out Morgan Freeman, too many childish regrets I have, too many dreams that say if I'm Satanic or not, too many times where my brain wants to see the most sickening of things, too many panic attacks, too many mental breakdowns, too much lack of sleep, too much heart pain, too much eating, too much not enough eating, too much lazy, too much catless (meaning I can't find a cat to adopt), too much unemployment, too much failure in skills, too much disappointment, too much high expectation, too many wrong choices, too many tears, too many things wrong with me, too much me breaking down on my birthday beating my brother until he bled from is mouth then running away from my house and talked to my self for a good 45 mins then end up making a self deal about "self control", too much non self control, too much of me saying "I regret nothing"
...when I regret a lot of things...I think I'm going to go lie down "and die" or something